Shamelessly Exploiting My Frightening Medical Crisis for a Good Cause

Here's how you can help.

So, a couple days ago, I ended up at Urgent Care because I was having some sort of anxiety or panic attack, with multiple episodes of my heart racing at twice my normal BPM. Apparently it was triggered by the fact that I have been extremely stressed out for the last, ummm, five years by the approximately 843 crises and tragedies, near and far, large and small, that I have been carrying around on my shoulders, as if they were somehow my personal responsibility to fix. 

Thankfully, the EKG showed that my heart is fine, but I’m going to have to do a better job of managing my mind and my stress levels. I assure you I have received the doctor’s message loud and clear.

CALIFORNIA FRIENDS: Now that I have your attention, I am going to pivot and shamelessly exploit my frightening medical crisis for a good cause! Because one thing that would really help me manage my stress levels is for us to defeat the insane attempt to recall Gov. Gavin Newsom. 

There is a special election currently underway in California that will conclude on September 14, and you need to vote. (Yes, you.) The ballot has only two questions on it, so it will literally take less than five minutes for you to VOTE NO on Question 1, which asks whether Gov. Newsom should be removed from office. The ballot is poorly designed, so make sure you’re paying close attention while filling it out, because you need to vote NO, which is not actually on the same line as the English language question (Apparently that would have been too easy?), but rather is on the next line where the question appears in Spanish. Regardless of whether you’re a native English or native Spanish speaker, you need to vote NO. 

You can stop there if you want, because you are not required to vote on Question 2, which asks who should replace Gov. Newsom if he is recalled. But if you want to vote on Question 2, then find one of the few Democrats among the 46 candidates (Yes, there are FORTY SIX other candidates on the ballot) and pick him or her. Then put your ballot (which should have arrived by now to all registered voters) into the envelope provided, sign the envelope in the correct place (Again, make sure you’re paying close attention, because the envelope’s design also leaves something to be desired.) and drop it in the mail. Now. TODAY. But if you don’t do it today, do it tomorrow. But you must do this by Tuesday, September 14 for it to count. 

And that’s one very easy thing you can do to help me better manage my stress levels!

If you’ve voted, you don’t have to read any further, but if you want to know a little more about this insane situation: This is a very un-special special election that, according to The New York Times, is costing more than a quarter of a billion of our taxpayer dollars. (That’s billion with a B.) And because turnout for special elections is extremely unpredictable, it is entirely possible that in a state where registered Democrats outnumber registered Republicans by nearly 2 to 1, the recall could succeed—IF Democrats are apathetic and don’t vote, while Republicans are motivated and do vote. 

Let me just say this again: IT IS ENTIRELY POSSIBLE WE COULD END UP WITH A REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR, even though less than 1 in 4 registered voters in California are Republicans. So don’t let that sort of minority rule happen.

Look: This is not a serious election. The Republican party is no longer a serious party, and they are not fielding a serious candidate; some of their leading candidates including a rightwing talk radio host, a reality TV star, and a guy who’s traveling around the state campaigning with a live bear. This election is about angry people trying to weaken and throttle our government, bit by bit, piece by piece, by exploiting the vulnerabilities of the system. But I assure you, this un-serious recall election will have VERY SERIOUS consequences for us all if it succeeds. 

I’m sure you’re tired of politics. Me too. So, so tired. This is a colossal waste of time and money that we could be spending on fighting wildfires, or building desalination plants, or housing and caring for the homeless, or improving public education or mass transit, or dozens of other things that are actually very important and that would actually improve the lives of Californians. But unfortunately, our state government system has some wacky things built into it that make it astonishingly easy for anti-government right-wingers to force a recall election by getting LESS THAN 5% of Californians to sign a petition demanding it—even though Gov. Newsom was elected in a landslide less than three years ago with a record high number of votes, winning the support of nearly 2 out of every 3 voters. 

I am not defending the system, and I’m not defending Gov. Newsom. What I am defending is the fact that for California to function in any real way, we need competent and sane people to run the most populous state in the country. We need someone at the helm who has actual executive experience, and actual governing experience. We need people who have overseen annual budgets in the tens of billions of dollars. And in this election, Gavin Newsom is the ONLY CANDIDATE who has those qualifications. 

So please VOTE NO on Question 1. If you aren’t a fan of Gavin and want to vote for someone else in the Democratic primary next year (Yes, there really is another gubernatorial election next year, regardless of what happens in this recall election.), then go for it! But for right now, vote for sanity by voting NO on Question 1. And please encourage your friends and family to vote. (Feel free to share this post.) 

Last point, just in case you aren’t convinced yet: If we end up with a Republican governor, and Sen. Dianne Feinstein, who is 88 YEARS OLD, should happen to die, we could also end up with a Republican senator. And since Democrats hold a majority in the U.S. Senate by just one vote—technically, the Senate is tied 50-50, but VP Kamala Harris can provide a tie-breaking vote when necessary—then this recall election could end up not only flipping the balance of power in Sacramento, but also in Washington, D.C.

So VOTE NO and stop democracy from breaking down in real time right before our very eyes!

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Bonus Question: Michael, you’re a gay man, so shouldn’t you be supporting the candidacy of LGBT reality television star Caitlyn Jenner?

Answer: No. I’m taking a hard pass on that, and so should you. Just a handful of years ago, a minority of voters elected a reality television star to office, and—SPOILER ALERT—it did not go so well.